Listen up pal. Let me tell you a little story, throw you for spin. Back in the day, REAL MEN clashed together rocks and sticks to create the gift from GOD, the TORCH, the most powerful source of POWER. Powerful. In these tragic modern times however, the world has been plagued with CUCK SOIBOI laté-drinking cock-snobbling twitter-postin' FAGGOTS who have NO IDEA how to make your own FIRE. IT IS TIME WE WRESTLE THE CONTROL OF THE WORLD BACK FROM THESE PUNY SIMPLETONS AND TEACH THE WORLD THE GIFT OF FIRE.
Pile some sticks together and grab two rocks.
RUB YOUR HANDS LIKE A MAN FOR HOURS STRAIGHT UNTIL CHUNKS OF YOUR FLESH FALL OFF AND
Reasons to make your own fire:
Reasons to NOT make your own fire:
MAKING A FIRE IS BETTER EXERCISE THAN MASTURBATION
IT WORKS OUT YOUR PECTORAL PELVIC MUSCULUS
IT IS THE WAY TOWARDS GOD
Jesus wouldn't have complained. He would have grabbed those rocks and smashes his BALLS on them. And then probably turn it into a snake or something. I dunno, that guy was kinda weird and maybe a cuck.
YOU NEED YOUR MOMMY TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU
YOU ARE NOT A MAN